eVoLuTioNaRY BeiNG

Stop thinking and Start writing

You would think I would have plenty to write about... but I just don't. Still trying to quit smoking. Hadn't had a cigarette since last Thursday until today. Now I have to start all over- sometimes ourselves are the most frustrating of things. I am almost done with Christmas presents- there is one that I am making and it is taken some energy. But I think it will be well worth it when he sees it. I hope it makes him smile. I have lots of presents to wrap but don't feel like it. Honestly, it seems like a bit of a bother. I guess I could go dig our stockings out of storage. That would be some great fun. Actually, something that has lifted my spirits is the DDR game Shane got me for my birthday/Christmas/anniversary/just because he loves me. IT does do one thing I don't like though- despite the never ending arrow stepping delirium of fun- it never fails to show me how out of shape I am. Tara 0, Cigarettes & Over-eating 1. Anyway- I still manage to have a bit of fun as I struggle to get an A in DDR school mode. (I know- how lame can I get.) 

So back to Christmas. Today I needed a lazy day and there was Christmas just staring me back in the face. There is a list of things I need to do before Shane and I leave on the 25th for Denver. A trip I am very excited about. I love to travel with Shane, especially since it doesn't happen very often that we get to fly somewhere together. So anyway- the main thing I need to do is wrap my Christmas presents. Which doesn't sound so challenging except that I am attempting to use this brown butcher paper that no man made tape seems to stick to. Let me tell you, it makes for some pretty pretty wrappings. 

Then there are the dishes, mailing some of these gifts, going to storage and dropping some stuff off and picking some stuff up, stop eating the wrong things, actually cooking the meals that I planned for us, not letting choir concert number 5 turn me into a raging bitch, stop smoking, start exercising, stocking shopping (although this could be fun), and make an appointment to get my attitude adjusted. Oh, if only it were that easy. Good night EvRev. Till tomorrow...

count your blessings

I can't tell you how many times I have been absent from Facebook and gone back to my profile page to be hit over the head with love. It might sound silly but I feel really blessed to have people in my life, that whether they realize it or not, share God's love with me so freely. Who knew that so much could be gained from a simple thumbs up sign or a quick photo tag. Another blessing comes from those who express care in what's going on in my world even though we don't share lives up close everyday. However, the greatest blessing comes from those that take a few minutes just to say "Hey, what's up? I love you/miss you!" When you read this out loud it sounds awfully cheesy but the truth is that sometimes love in its purest, no alternative motives, form feels a little cheesy. But damn, it also feels really, really good. Words are powerful and Love Wins! Thank you peeps for blessing me. 

i just smoked my last cigarette

It is 4am and I don't have any words for yesterday or what I should say- still feels like today. Some things are just two difficult to explain. The process of events and words that takes place in your head hurts. The hurt radiates through your body much like a cancer or the poison that they give you to treat it. It is either the dumbest time to try and quit smoking or the wisest. We'll see. 

Tomorrow I will see if I can find the words to write about my Emmaus Walk so that I can share it with all those who supported me while I was there. 

a brief introduction

The last few months have been full of so much. There have been moments of busy and boredom. Moments of constance and growth. Moments of joy and sorrow. Satisfaction and Anxiety. The list goes on. I have teetered back and forth between extremes since the last time I wrote anything down. I admit the task of processing it all on paper is daunting. I wonder if I have the gumption right now... "I think I can, I think I can. I know I can. I know I can." will have to be my mantra.  

as of lately

The latest in our lives is our vehicle died a slow and embarrassing death. It was the last 45 minutes of my trip home- the end was finally in sight after a grueling time- when the oil light comes on, the engine starts ticking and sputtering obnoxiously, and then it dies. Caput. Fortunately I was half a mile from an Exxon. After a few curses she started up again and I willed her to the median of a two lane highway. A friendly trucker and his female friend saw my struggle and helped me push her across two more lanes of oncoming traffic into the gas station parking lot. The story goes on and it is nothing short of frustrating and embarrasing for both myself and the xterra. It ends with us traveling at 40 miles an hour the rest of the way home, where upon our arrival the engine gave out for good. She was paid for. I don't think we even owned her for a year. So depressing.

In other news I got hit by a car while I was on my bicycle last Wednesday. I am bruised and banged up but I got up and walked away. Thank you Lord. It was my fault. I wasn't following the rules. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. But I got up and walked away. Thank you Lord.    

On a more emotional level I miss a lot of my friends that I have yet to connect with since the move. My "to do" list is miles long and aside from being laid up with a sore body from the accident, I don't even know where to begin. Here are just a few to dos: find a job, catch up on neglected correspondence, pay and organize bills, unpack our second bedroom, hang our art (which is the most personal of touches), organize a menu & grocery list (Shane and I have been to the store two times and forgot baking soda both times)... after glimpsing this list in parts my head hurts as much as my ass does.  

Awww Shucks

Right now I am in Lufkin, TX with two of my BFFs, Cory and Marlene, watching this ridiculously cheesy but eerily insightful show about teenagers called "Secret Life of an American Teenager". Molly Ringwald plays a mother. Wow- I am old. Pretty in Pink is officially a classic.

So my mom called me tonight just to tell me that I should write a book. She loves my blog and says that with just a few words she feels connected to me when she reads my writing. "You should write a book. Just start out small, like with a children's book." she says. Her praise puffs me up. Her encouragement charges my battery. Thanks Mom.

Tomorrow I leave for Tyler, TX to visit Jennie and her two beautiful baby girls. Third stop on this leg of the tour is Dallas to see my sweet grandmother. Fourth stop is Austin to see mi madre and hopefully pick up a little 'sumpim sumpim' for Shane. It's gonna be an awesome surprise! I just hope I can pull it off.

Soooooo I wonder what my children's book could be about??

Rain, Rain Don't Go Away

This is the fourth day in a row that it has rained here. The drip cadence and cool breeze seem like a personal gift from a not so secret admirer. So I sit on my back porch, sip my coffee, smoke a clove, and watch the rain pour down. It is very close to heaven. Thank you God.